Robert van Heumen Composer Improvisor Laptop-Instrumentalist Sound-Designer
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In limbo

My partner is about to give birth. (So poetical in English, 'giving birth', while the Dutch word, 'bevallen', sounds like 'to fall'). Due date: May 27. It feels like being in limbo, floating in space. Waiting on the unevitable but also the unimaginable. No urge to be creative, to think of the next composition or work on my live set, just reading, listening to music, waiting, being. I guess waiting until the ultimate creation exchanges the inside for the outside. Waiting until life changes, into something I have absolutely no conception of. It feels light, feels like I'm at ease.

Reading 'A wild sheep chase' by Murakami again, now in English (which feels like its original language, which it is not of course). Noticing different things from last time (which must have been more than 5 years ago): the girl with the beautiful ears is the reincarnation of the girl the story starts with. And: the main character tells the story and tries to make you believe it's about other people (the deceased girl, the girl with the beautiful ears, The Rat) but it is actually about himself. Might it be one big metafor? About his incapability to make decisions, to have an opinion about anything? Reminds me of the main character in Camus' L'√Čtranger.